Old memory-The Tillamook road trip of Awesomeness

Back in the day, it wasn't unusual for the Federal Way Homies to take random road trips at their leisure. Usually it was in a family van, befitting of the homies, such as Bobby's red van, Mark's old school blue one, or even occasionally Brandon's talking truck. Brandon's talking truck had many adventures in its own right but that story will be told another day. In fact, there are many road trip adventures worthy of note, but today I will focus on a very special birthday road trip. This trip was in commemoration of Mark and Bobby's birthday. For birthday parties, some kids go to Chuck E' Cheeze, other's, roller skating at Patterson's West, and some even have parties at the Pacific Science Center. But for us, there could be no better place for such a celebration than at the Tillamook cheese factory itself.


So off we went from Federal Way, WA to Tillamook OR. It was a jolly ride that soon marked by memorable occasions such as the Hell Station in Olympia, Washington; and when Bobby's mom called about 3 hours into the trip and told him he was supposed to be at work half and hour ago. Old man Kaler had completely forgotten to inform his employer at the Aquatic Center that he would be unable to perform his janitorial duties that week. So, in Bobby fashion, he told his mother to call and tell them he would not be coming to work. Amazingly, Bobby still had his job after the trip and in fact, months later, was promoted to receptionist.
That night we made base-camp at Danny’s Grandma’s house in Portland, Oregon. Approximately 3 hours from our final destination. With a good meal, and sleeping bags, we all settled down from our day’s journey in the living room. It was then that we saw the best movie ever, per Danny’s request, Starship Troopers. It was a motion picture that moved you to the very soul as it made you contemplate such deep questions like, “What would I do if giant bugs took over the planet?” “How long would I survive as a random extra character amongst a battle scene?” and “Who is this Joe, and how did he get the ‘bug’ at the end of the movie?” There was also intermittent watching of Trigger Happy T.V. to all’s rejoicing. After we fell asleep Mark claimed that he saw a rare moment when Adrian proceeded to take his shirt off, and sleep topless. It is unsubstantiated, however, since there are no other witnesses and Adrian declined to comment.
The next morning, the Federal Way Homies set out West to the Cheese Factory. They were pelted by fierce sleet, buffeted by boisterous winds, and attacked by midget pirates, but that did not deter them. Eventually, they saw a sign, “GO MOOKS!” and they knew they had made it into the rich, country coast land of Tillamook Oregon. The rolling green grasslands, white picket fences, and salty pacific air made the realm of Tillamook the inspiration of poets.
After a couple of miles, Brandon spotted our destination. Ahead, as a yellow pillar from heaven, stood the Tillamook Cheese Factory tower. Like children in Toys ‘R’ Us, we lept from the van and scurried about in the cheese factory. We took pictures with the ceramic cows, shook hands with the chefs/artists who make the cheese, and of course, feasted on many samples. Danny personally bought many beefstick/cheese snacks that his mother used to give him as a wee lad. Mark and Adrian hugged. Stephen and Brandon danced. Bobby got lost. Tears were shed.
Eventually, the time came for the visitor center to close its doors to the Homies and the group left with some great memories. On the way back to Federal Way, it was time for Adrian to repay is debt for his portion of the travels. A lad of good disposition, but sometimes a bum, it was often Adrian’s lot to amuse the Homies and in return they would pay for his travels. For this trip, Adrian was required to stick out his thumb to hitch-hike and we would see how long it took for him to get a ride. With his fiery red hair and handsome looks it wasn’t long before some people pulled over. They asked him where he needed to go. He replied “over there”, pointing about 10 yards up. Confused, they repeated the question. At this point Adrian became so beat red that his face matched his hair and he came running back to where we were rolling on the ground with laughter. The second job we had Adrian do, was he had to knock on the windows of people stuck in traffic and wave. Good times, all around.
And so that is the tale of the Tillamook Cheese Factory Road Trip of Awesomeness from Danny Knechtel’s (Sir Charles) perspective. Until we meet again I bid you all a fond farewell.
Sir Charles Daniel Knechtel esquire the IV